Lauri Jean Crowe

Artist, Writer, Woman, Mother, Healer, Teacher, Biohacker, Gardener, Friend, Entrepreneur

Day 7: 30 Days of Selfies: Release


She opens the pouch. Wisdom collected from travels round the globe resides there, waiting to be unleashed. There is a soft whisper. The thread unravels. Air reaches papers carefully preserved. Moisture seeks to bring forth life, her thoughts the surface of their feeding.

She feels inside, trusting. Her fingers ripple over soft bumps, fragile depressions, curls and cold bits known and unknown. At once there is mystery and familiarity. Nostrils flare and breathe in the scents. A sharp edge slices her finger, draws blood, tells her “Release them. Tether self.” and so she does.

Sometimes you have to tether yourself before you can release.

All things in life that are worth doing cause some sort of stimuli. Whether that is pleasure or pain depends how we filter and interpret it. When it comes to decision making and choosing what is best for us often that pleasure pain paradigm gets mucked up as we quest instant satisfaction. We often end up making a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion. That rarely ends well.

I have learned to automate many of my trivial decisions by living through routine and organization so I can free up brain power for the truly important decisions when choice or opportunity you unexpectedly and demands an answer. When it is something you previously put out into the Universe it seems like you should say “yes” immediately, but is it what you asked for, is it what you need?

In my case I ask myself three questions, the most recent added when I claimed my word of the year. The questions I ask myself are:

1. Does it bring me joy?
2. Does it improve upon my silence?
3. Does it encourage my breath?

reease-them-squareWhen I am still on the fence I go to my box of inspiration cards that I have collected over the last decade. Some are from Jessica Brogan’s swap, others from swaps I’ve hosted or personal one to one trades. Today I drew a card from Donna Armstrong and it helped me focus, meditate and recognize that in order to continue receiving what I need, I had to decline offering more of myself to a specific opportunity. Her art helped me practice the pause so I could really listen to the answers to my questions and not give that knee jerk yes that came from an emotional place tied to something other than that opportunity.

Some people look outside themselves to God, Goddess, Tarot, Rune, Family, Friends, Rabbi, Priest. I look to art. It has always been that way. Whether it is my own, or that of others, art helps me truly dig deep, to feel inside, and to connect with my core and trust what I know when I listen. However, sometimes we still need that feeling of external permission to effect release.

Things I Love

desire-map-photoTo those of you coming to me at this point in my life, it might surprise you that I was once a very unfeeling, cold person. I approached life very clinically, and many days still do. It’s been a very conscious effort on my part to get in touch with my feelings and emotions. Feelings just didn’t seem to have a purpose until I had children diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and the ways they communicated differently shined the light on my own difference in perception from neurotypical norms. The Desire Map helped me discover how I wanted to feel and what that meant for how I function in the world.

Some days I slip into that total logic robot woman I once was, and in times of crisis that serves me well. I recognize that many of my behaviors come from having dealt with the decisions based on autoimmune health since the age of 12, and then facing them as a parent as well, first with a child who was diagnosed with kidney disease at age 2 and then having both face juvenile arthritis. There were times not being in touch fully with my emotions has been a good thing.

However, Danielle LaPorte’s work with The Desire Map has been very beneficial in helping me get in touch with my feelings and recognize my core values. Like the inspiration cards, it has been a great tool to help me focus and listen to what my heart and soul are saying to me. I was blessed by a gift from Cindy Jones Lantier of attending her Desire Map Workshop when I first hit this recent stretch of illness and it was hard work, but worthy work. It has helped me to feel good even when my body doesn’t. (BTW, Cindy  makes some really marvelous soaps. My favorite is the Baby Bastille over at the Eclectic Soul.)

I highly recommend giving The Desire Map a read and considering a workshop if you enjoy the material. Having a loving, compassionate coach to guide you in the work can really help make an impact in taking the words to the next level of internalization that allows you to manifest your desires into the world.

Sometimes you have to tether yourself before you can release.


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This entry was posted on November 7, 2016 by in Uncategorized.

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